Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Was singing the theme song to the Little Mermaid in the shower and my cat ran away. Honestly, no appreciation.
Atleast now I know how to get him out instead of scattering cat fur everywhere for me to step on.
Found out from Thom that only seminar 9-22 of contracts is examinable....after I did notes on 1-4....
Sigh.
Nath sprained his neck so he went off to see the doctor and therapist. Spent yesterday pampering him and watching Xmen.
He said I don't blog about him enough and insisted I mentioned him more and then he wanted a blog of his own. So he can write about the various ways he annoys me and the cat.
I'm tired of this computer and being fat. Very fat.
Disappointed.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:18 PM
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Watching the Chronicles of Hanada is enough to bring tears. Such as the story of the father who died on Christmas eve bringing a gift home to surprise his son.
You're left wondering.....it's hard to say I love you in this time and age.
When was the last time I've said thankyou for raising me, thankyou for taking care of me, I love you because you're my family?
When I was young I used to say it. But as a child you don't understand the meaning behind the words. I grew older, the words become hollow, it became harder, and then I just didn't want to say it because I have no idea how, it was strange and embarrassing, it was weird.
In many ways I was angry, and in many ways I am still bitter. I didn't ask to be born, didn't ask to be always put under pressure, to be criticized, to be made to feel like I was the mistake dragging you down. I wasn't happy I was here, can not realise that there was anything good. If I wasn't angry at having to suffer, I was in tears because I felt this way all the time, and I am so afraid you would leave without knowing I did care for you.
I cannot reconcile those three little words with the relationships and the happiness felt by those characters in the books I read about. I cannot understand how people can say I love you without meaning them. I've been brought up to think that the world was a harsh place, that people schemed and lied and there wasn't anyone who would be honest and decent. You told me the world was like this.
I can't trust anyone, don't believe anyone, and it doesn't make sense for people to care if I don't.
I don't know what it is like to love someone. Do you?
To care for someone?
I'm afraid I'd grow up and still not know.
I'm still that child who is afraid, who is still ignorant, and the world is still a scary harsh place.
And I want to say I love you, but I don't know what it is.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:39 PM
A New York law firm will be coming to the Melbourne law school to check out prospective employees from the 2008 graduates to begin work in 2009.
I'll still be studying in 2009 and at the rate I'm going, won't even graduate till 2011!!!!!
Darn it.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 1:32 PM
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Ah, forgot to mention grabyourfork.blogspot.
Mouthwatering nah.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 4:27 PM
Like the slacker that I am, I finished reading the entire blog of finickyfeline.net. This is after finishing the whole blogs of kennysia.com, xiaxue.blogspot (the good ones anyway), and nicolekiss.blogspot (tried to, except photos overload crashed my browser several times).
This is in conjunction of keeping up with waiterrant.net, baristabrat.blogspot, violentacres.com, widelawns.blogspot, opinionistas.com well as reading Suan's oldnavyblue.blogspot/reflectionsenbleu.wordpress (and don't want to read all her past entries cos she writes so shiok and so mature and so philosophical that I just feel so tulan and want to improve =^^=)
Anyway, my daily net activities also include checking deviantart.com 24/7, finding new jobs, checking like 7 email accounts (slightly exaggerated lah), checking dailydeviants forum, making sure my pets on neopets.com haven't died and trying to make more neopoints by playing atleast two games, chatting with people including randoms and people I haven't talked to or people I want to whinge to or consoling my tutees and poking onichan, and this is besides real life stuff like running to class, studying (console abit, very hard, very sian), worrying about failing, feeding bathing watering making sure cat don't die and cleaning after cat, cooking and making sure I don't die, and setting aside time for the darling and cleaning and tutoring and finishing commissions.
All like........very exhausting.
And yeah talking like this cos I just finished reading like 4 malaysian-singaporean blogs okay??
Now got nothing to procrastinate on which is also very sian. Anyone know of good blogs?
Also finished watching (atleast the episodes onichan thought to give me but not the WHOLE series) of The life of Hanada or something. Very cute, the animation is so old style yet pleasing, simple aw-inducing storylines. I approve.
So...definitely have nothing to preoccupy self with except.....essay. Sian.
We bought chocolates for Katie's birthday and she finished it all in a week. Sian but glad she enjoyed. Now figuring out what to buy for daddy's christmas present. And wondering what I want also because long time ago daddy decided it's too bothersome and it's simpler just to ask me for a list but mah fan for me ok! Cos I don't know what I want or need...
Well, I want art/anime related stuff as usual, or books....but daddy say no.....
So for all you people reading, HINT already what I want ok.....
I repeat....art or anime related stuff <------
Specifically I've been like......lusting after copic markers because very tulan and must imitate master copic users.
Daddy bought be Set C last christmas and it's unbelievably gorgeous, but couldn't bring to Melbourne cos it weighs a ton.
Imagine Set A + B........and copic air set. Just lust inducing. Better than......anything.
Or any other art thing....prismacolor pencils, markers, art books, supplies whatever.....sigh....
Also wondering if I should get a spray fixative to help bond my pencil drawings so they won't get rubbed off as I (or other people) handle the paper. Everytime someone picks up my artbook I'm like AIEEEEE BE CAREFUL......very paranoid. I like experimenting also so sometimes draw at edgee of paper and got details and shading, and one swipe of the finger on pencil sketches = everything destroyed.
And anime of course. DVDs, artbooks, plushies......etc.....
But when it comes to what do I need....
Not much really.
I need everyone to be safe and healthy and happy.
And need that because don't make me so worried so I don't get panic attack. Simple =).
So as long as you stay safe and healthy and happy, enough for me.
Also be nice to me for christmas, of course.
The package from the perfumerie finally arrived. The sent a bottle of the scent I did the artwork for, as well as some samples of their other perfumes, a framed poster of my art and a WAND.
A omg freaking wand. With amethyst crystal tip bound in leather and girly purple ribbons and don't know what the metal inside is but A WAND.
Favourite commissioners ever.
Also hanko name stamp arrived so can now stamp my lovely kanji name all over pencil drawings like a professional =). And I did order it from jlist, one momentary self loving spending on me. It was rather cheap and looks good and all custom crafted so how could I resist.
Today was the last day of class, also last day of politics tute so no more hot tutor to grin at. I haven't come to terms with the idea that I survived second year, and survived suicidal tendencies yet again (very sian), so will blog more later. I should have named this post sian....
But to commence the thoughts I had in starting this post.
As I was saying I finished reading finickyfeline.net, and imagine my disappointment at having reached the last page and couldn't find the 'next page' button. Granted I did blaze through it in like 3 days........
I always want to say alot of things here about the other bloggers I stalk but then......one alarming difference between the malaysian/singaporean bloggers and the western bloggers is that my country people tend to attract alot of flaming posts and argument and goodness no what. Not to say the western bloggers don't get their share of inane arguments and slapfests between each other but these posts are intrinsic within the popularity of the asian based bloggers with the exception of perhaps violentacres.com (but then we do read her blog for her refresingly cynical and blatant views on life which is sure to attract.......attention).
Thus said, eventhough I am of course in no way popular or even widely....or even read at all =.=, don't take anything I say here to heart, tis merely my observation and opinions which is exactly what 99% of bloggers write about anyway....or atleast the good ones do, the bad ones just carp on about nonsense......or some other good ones write up heart tugging social political posts.......and thought usually well written, it's not something a hopelessly busy student like me who's trying to avoid work would want to read about, just want to immerse self into the markedly more interesting and vibrant and omg wth life of others.
I enjoy kennysia's travel posts. He is funny, articulate and just cutely siao.
On the other hand Xiaxue just confounds me. Too much pink and.......
But Finickyfeline.......hit right in the middle. We sounds so similar it's scary. Posts about pmsing, exes, boyfriends, bo lang ai wa, being fat and untalented, too much work, food, and random fun...........fastforward me 7 years older and I would be her ><.
Somehow.....good and bad I suppose.
She's smart and independent, has a job I think, good ish relationships, stable and I suppose content about her life bar a few things like normal people would worry about.
She's very teyh, me too lah.
But seven years later I don't want to be whining about guys again. Too much work!
Don't want to think I'm fat also and hopefully by then Sammy, le cat who has taken over my life would be fully trained and stopped treating my feet as his personal vendetta.
I suppose then ......life is no fun without the ups and downs.
Don't know what I want =.='
Don't you think we sound alike? Compare past posts with her posts...even current posts.....
ugh, so sian me.
I need to get a life as most people tell me =).
Enjoy abit, relax, get comfortable.
Also don't want to be the upside down insane person I am today with the tendencies to hurl in the toilet, break down in middle of tram rides, or talk to myself on the streets.
Just realised there's so much dust in my place.....time to vacuum.
And start essay.
Sian.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 3:20 PM
Thursday, October 18, 2007
It's rare to find a blog which would focus on the nice things without being too pretentious or self absorbed. And I should know, given this blog and the ones I've mucked through endless posts of since 2005-2007 (regardless of the fact that I'm supposedly studying, tutoring, and completing commissions).
There's alot of rumours, fights, finger pointing and pure childish arguments made by adults to other adults all in the name of opinions or entertainment or just for kicks.
How about we focus on some nice things for awhile? The world ain't that bad seriously and neither are everyone big bad and evil, out to scare little kids.
Let's start.
The way a sunset looks even when the wind is blowing and freezing your bones.
The way your best friend walks with you to get bubble tea regardless of time (well...sometimes).
The way your cat will cuddle to you in the middle of the night.
The way you receive messages at dunno what time at night because people know you're worried.
The way one of your best friends are waiting for you in Paris and excited to see you.
The way people try their best to get by life.
The way a baby looks sleeping all snug in their little carriage (maternal instincts you know).
The way a book smells upon first opening it.
The way you can keep laughing until your sides hurt.
An elegant solution to a problem.
Tracing veins on a leaf.
The feeling you get discovering something new.
Taking a day to do something unexpected.
Borrowing books from the library you've never seen before and knowing you have eternity to read them (well three months anyway).
Listening to a song and having it hit a spot in your heart.
Having a funny smart conversation.
Having someone make you laugh.
What's some of the things which makes you happy?
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 9:18 PM
Monday, October 15, 2007
In contracts we are studying reasons allowed for termination including the right to terminate a contract based on temporal essentiality. We discussed the inclusion of a term that states 'time is of the essence' and situations where time is omitted. Then we talked about notice to complete and the difference between that and a threat as well as an indication of repudiation.
What I want to focus on is the idea of lawyers having to make their letters sound as firm and exact as they are attempting to convey instead of this wishywashiness. Judges seem to take a dislike to wishywashiness. Fair enough.
I don't understand why my boss would then hand me letters he wrote in order for me to dumb it down and 'make it nice'.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 8:29 PM
It's difficult to comprehend the shock people feel at hearing anything close to mental illness/depression/suicide. It is like having something very very bad suddenly approach your nearly perfect life and then it is no longer perfect.
What happens when someone tells you they've attempted suicide before, yes they've gone through depression. What happens when this is something you're going through?
It is quite different from the many people who've told me they've thought about suicide because of [insert reason here]. Suddenly upon your revelation they feel it is safe or perhaps camaraderie of them to share even though it's perhaps something in passing.
And you still feel alone. Even somewhat of a freak.
But when it is real, I'm surprised that I didn't sense a feeling of 'I understand'. Instead it was more of a I felt sick and proceeded to throw up in the toilet.
I guess it was a night of many revelations.
One in that when you're told how someone would drive while blinding drunk hoping to crash into a wall, or popping sleeping pills with alcohol and falling into a comatose state, you won't feel safe. Instead you relive through the days and nights when you're spent rocking yourself to sleep because of the dark and scary thoughts that won't leave your head. You're left remembering how lonely, how scared, how sick you felt, how cold everything was. You are forced to think of the times when you don't care, you're willing to do anything for the pain to stop. And when you're helpless, you can't move or think or scream. You knew how bad it felt, and knowing someone else went through it isn't helping.
Second in that the pain is very much internal. And somehow, constantly thinking of yourself is probably why it deepens. When someone else needs you, that's when it stops. For the moment.
I'm afraid that it's going to come back. How am I suppose to suppress it for good?
Therapist says we need to work on addressing my emotional needs. Except my emotional needs are doing worse for me than anything.
Life's funny that way.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:52 AM
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
I'm in love with my tutor.
H2B FOR THE WIN.
I didn't fail.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
This was the essay I was forced to email my tutor in the middle of the night pleading for an extension.
The aggravating thing is not that I don't get the topic but I can't write it out.
For a writer, that is seriously crippling.
To spend days, not hours on a paragraph is ludicrous.
And I get to hug him!
I promise to come up with more mature and enlightening posts when I get the time to sit and think. Late for class. Ta!
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 1:32 PM
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Tea Ren at the corner of lt collins and swanston is awesome.
Healthy, body cleaning and delicious food. Had the wanton noodles set with green tea and green tea jelly. The noodles were yummy, soup was tasty and great bak choy with 'omg I'm in heaven' wantons.
I'm so going back there (again).
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 9:54 PM
Monday, October 08, 2007
When books get made into movies, either they suck or they get things wrong or you don't care.
Stardust, thankfully does not fit into any of those categories.
The book by Neil Gaiman tells of the journey of a boy who became a man when he finds a shooting star. The movie is filled with whimsical characters filled with desires and fears and everything in between.
IT'S SO GOOD.
Great actors, lovely scenes, nice touch of fairytale magic. Subarashii!
I can't wait for the Golden Compass to come out now. If it was as good as Stardust I'm going to squeal and jump around and eat lots of crepes.
Speaking of which, the crepes at Melbourne Central is delicious.
I have no idea why people bring trams and babies to the university. Is it some sort of future planning in progress I'm oblivious about?
Now if those babies belonged to students..........ahem...
Either they're too young to have babies or....well, they should've planned until their kids were old enough before entering as a mature student.
I don't want to be hit by prams or hear little kids wailing IN THE UNIVERSITY.
And there are babysitter and care services available.
I've got bruised shins...
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 4:26 PM
Friday, October 05, 2007
Apparently I got emerging Borderline Personality Disorder.
And everything fits.
Don't want.......
Those people sound weird!
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 4:42 PM
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
HE GOT THE JOB!
Enough said =) Congrats.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 4:52 PM
Monday, October 01, 2007
End of the holidays and back to the humdrum of university life.
I've managed to finish a bulk of commissions and onward looking for more as recently discovered still owing people money ^^''''.
Currently sitting infront of laptop with a sorethroat and a kitchen full of inedible overcharred chicken wings and dirty dishes. Last night's cooking bonanza was a hit and a miss and a downpour. Monday isn't looking great.
Spent a few days bumming, drawing, watching movies and going shopping (albeit not buying anything).
Gotten a new tutoring student, had some long needed rest and all's good.
Haven't been feeling this great for a long time.
On wednesday I think, Sammy peed on the toilet floor so the morning was spent cleaning out the whole apartment and the toilet and everything. Mildly amusing as Nathan chuckled along watching me eeeeeee at icky stuff. We've visited two shopping centers, walked in the city, walked down Sydney road and spent a ton of cooking dinner time together.
Yesterday on Sunday we managed to get to the Melbourne Show which is like this mega big carnival and farm put together. So much to see!
We petted sheep and lambs, small cows, goats and piggies and I held a chicken!
Saw a lambing, big big big cows, cats and dogs and scorpions and a weird leaf bug.
Visited the Grand Pavilion where Nathan lit up and went to taste every winery, brewery and chili. There were sweet stalls, fudge and duck and random things including a litro store! I like the strawberry dacquiri. Nathan tasted an ultra hot chili and had tears for ten minutes. The girl at Litro refilled his ice shots several times smiling away.
Caught up with Fern and her friend midway before going off and getting more cash.
Nath won me a huge carebear at the games (which I found out now is a Wish Bear, green with a shooting star on her tummy). Poor thing was leaking foams the whole time. Had to sew her up.
We also grabbed two showbags and managed to get two special toys in one of them ( a gorgeous dog plushie for me and a racing car set for him xD).
Started raining heavily as we sat in the ferris wheel then we ran home (via the trains of course).
Sammy was fascinated with the cars when we started playing. He watched and ran after the racing cars and patted at them.
Dinner was a bust so we ended up getting pizza.
Ah so good.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:17 AM
