Sunday, March 25, 2007
Blackout on Friday. Had to take a shower in the dark with Connie holding a torchlight. Then because the fire alarm is going beepbeepbeepbeepbeep, I had to borrow a sleeping bag and go sleep on the floor in the corridor. If that doesn't irk you enough, I now also have no internet.
NO INTERNET.
My life is slowly seeping away like my life's blood, into the river of oblivion and boredom, and I CAN'T GET ON MSN.
Given that right now I've hijacked a neighbour's room to use his internet, this explains my dire predicament. I'm forced to use the library's net. The horror. The horror.
Spent the whole of Sunday mourning and being sleepy, and 4 hours in the library photocopying books for Holocaust essay. $40 amount of copied books. Filled with radiation. I must be sterile by now. Can I sue the university when I want to have kids?
Perhaps.
I have 3 assignments due on 30th, 2nd and 3rd. I can effectively forget about Ann's birthday because it's on the 1st. Also I haven't seen Derek in ages, Eepin, Rayner, that boy who claims to be my brother but spends ages in the company of OTHER girls. I must tell his parents.
SPGO will be having a tournament . So come. Before I chopchop you.
Ok. Jarrod is studying in the corner. I must leave. Ta.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 7:11 PM
Thursday, March 22, 2007
When your history presentation is on the motivations of ordinary men massacring innocent jews, you know your week is sure to be interesting. Worse yet when you're caught off guard for a sexual politics tute presentation on ideas of sexuality and male dominance of women and that s&m should be accepted in society.
While I'm certainly glad I'm enjoying this semester more than the whole of last year put together, bouncing between two extremes can be rather mind numbing. Should I be accepting that there's no hope for humanity, that all human beings will kill, and kill with cruelty when placed in a directed 'us or them mentality' situation, or that all women are submissive beneath the overpowering dominance of males and that we have no original choice aside from being objectified objects existing solely for male pleasure?
I am hoping that in my 20 years and 14 years of education has made me a much wiser and progressing member of community. That I have my own thoughts and preferences and will not be induced to cruelty towards my fellow human beings. That I am a woman and proud of it, proud of my choices and ability to make a choice.
I am also very much hoping the rest of society progresses with me.
Which brings me to something that filtered through my memory just 10 seconds ago. I cannot say that I was very proud of that memory. Us enlightended educated members of society can sometimes be reduced to something less than dignified.
As we were walking along the street, I believe, towards the lovely Hans Brinker pancake house (along Russell street, just a few paces down from little Lonsdale), I caught sight of an old woman sitting on a bench, facing the greek cake shop. She was stunted as most....old people are wont to do as they grew old, and slightly....gibbering? I fear I am lacking the right words.
My first thought was hm, is she alright? Her hand reached out to us, and she muttered something, a few coins perhaps? Did she want to get home............
And then, I did something that was entirely entirely thoughtless. Even cruel....perhaps. I recoiled. Pulling Connie next to me, we both hurried on.
I did cast a backward look at her, she was seated, and quiet, her back hunched.
We've both ignored her, and left her there, even with thoughts that she may have needed help. Where were my sentiments for my fellow human beings. True, she was not injured and lying on the ground. But nevertheless. She looked alone.
How many times have I looked past people on the street and moved on, attempting not to look at them lest they caught sight of me and of myself ignoring them. Have I become so arrogant in my commoness that I can spare nothing. Human decency is rare, but often devalued. Worth nothing?
In the moment of pity, we often make a choice. To be a human being and offer a hand, or to succumb to conformity and succumb to our feelings to revulsion, though often that choice is silent.
I look back at my tutorials and think perhaps the right question would be not why they killed, but why they didn't resist killing.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 12:29 AM
Friday, March 09, 2007
How bizarre to walk into college filled to the brim with people you absolutely have no clue of. And worse yet if you don't remember if they were there from last year!
Arriving early in the morning with a sleepy Derek to greet me, I recounted my horrific tales of the flight as we arrived at college. With almost 5 pieces of heavy luggage and several boxes, we were daunted.......
Never to fear, we waved over a first yr to come help us. Ah....the brutal tasking of 2nd years. I relished. Waved over another one to help us up the stairs. No joke. My new room is back on East 2, next to Connie's double room with her sister (the one we used to have), surrounded by freshers, and Louis, Thomthom down the hall, Lyra in the middle of the hall, Steph Harrop down the other end, Maria around the corner.
Hauling what I brought in and what was still in South's Box room up several flights of stairs required momentous begging. And then unpacking. Cleaning blanket and linens and pillowcase. Deciding where everything was to go. Getting another shelf from Lyra. At the end of the day i was pure exhaustion. At dinner watching all the new faces. It felt so surreal.
The next two days was spent at Clubs and Societies O week, hailing new members and receiving old ones. Our banner unfortunately left with Dilshan so we make due with posters and plenty of smiles. Connie helped massively, along with Davina (lovelovelove), Tridat, Trithang, Michelle and Anna. Until now, we've collected up to a sizeable 50 ish members.
The days are so hot.......dry sun shining upon us. Now however, 3 weeks in, it's absolutely cold.
Oh the joys of shared bathroom and showers ><.
Saying hello to unknown faces....
I feel quite scared.
This year, I shall be taking Legal Theory, Obligations, Holocaust and Genocide, and Sexual Politics. Incidentally, I've passed Torts.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 1:43 AM
Friday, March 02, 2007
As one would notice, the past few posts haven't been completely on schedule.
They are basically written as I sat down to think after a couple of weeks of classes and boredom and way too much work.
This date however, 1st march represents my birthday. Your vulnerable writer has turned 20, no longer a teen and perhaps not yet a woman. Trying very hard but overall, I'm very happy with where I am.
The past week has been filled with many things, considered much like a roller coaster ride.
Hence this shall be a purely narrative post.
The day before or February 28 was Floors Dinner Night. Somewhat confusingly, the division of East 2 took place between my and Connie's room, so while Connie was going for Shanghai dumplings with Lyra the tutor, I was banked in with Thomthom to go to Joe's Garage on Brunswick......with Maria, a big group of giggling almost exclusively female freshers, and Louis.
Could you just hear the dramatic cymbals clashing together?
Terribly worse enough that seemingly on this side of the floor, there's an abundance of girls who feel the need to declare their fascination with Louis, now I'm spending a night watching them declare fascination for Louis. Fantasic.
Seriously I'm over him. But it still hurts.
Hence dinner was an uncomfortable quiet affair. I wanted to shrink into the ground while trying not to look disinterested. I think I failed dramatically. Thom was desperately attempting to hold everyone together to host a sucessful night. The food was lovely. Massive but interesting. You'll see how this relate to my birthday later.
Upon return....it was ...semi alright. Decent. Everyone having fun, laughing talking visiting others rooms. It has been one of those weeks when everything seemed to be annoying, and no one is noticing you, bothering to talk to you, ignoring you. Things seem hard, and bleak and you end up crashing. You've come to a standstill while everyone else is discovering all the new things in life. I was hanging on by a bare thread and crashed. Hard. Tucked up into a ball on my bed, sobbing my little heart out. When you know your ex has moved on and flirting two doors down, when no one notices it's your birthday, when no one bothers to investigate when you're lying face down on your pillow positively wailing....in a college filled with 160 people. You feel alone.
Desperately alone.
No one really bothers about the quiet ones......because the quiet ones never make a fuss.
Matty came in and squished me with massive cuddles. Ann offering many many tissues.
Connie called Derek who called me to ask why I was emoing out of the blue. Dad called and Ann had to explain to him why I sounded like I was stricken down with the lack of voice after hrs of hiccuping sobs. Suan Ee called in for this international student emergency.
And then a birthday stampede filled with balloons and chants with 20 odd friends and unknown freshers who had the heart enough to answer the call of cheering up this pathetic 2nd year, with her puffed up eyes and messy hair. Thom arranged this imprompty on the spot celebration, 30 seconds after midnight. They were quite amazed when matty and connie started singing happy birthday and had to troupe in slightly.....late.
But the gesture would never be. Late that is. From one of the most miserable time to one of my happiest moment in college to be heartily embarassed when they burst into song and gave me several hugs. These people whom I'd never have expected from.
Birthday dinner with Connie, Ann, Alex, Derek, Rayner and Matt. We went to Ito and had japanese food, glorious ramen. Then we went play foosball.
Friday was spent holding Connie's hand while she got a blood test. That night was the color turn, and after a year it doesn't feel that fun anymore. However, movie afterwards with a new friend was absolutely delicious. More on this later.
Saturday and Sunday was continuing birthday celebration. Karoke night with the entourage, minus Nat, replaced with Matty. We howled ourselves hoarse to songs we barely knew. Followed by another surprise! Celebration with homemade icecream cake covered with chocolate and strawberries, more balloons and bouquets of roses. We sat around gulping down the frozen treat.
Sunday dinner with Eepeep and Nethneth and the rest of gang ie Derek, Steph, Rayray, Alex. Some delicious Korean BBQ resulting in Connie total lapse into sickville. They got me a Luis Royo artbook and calender >^^< and a mango cake.
The birthday week celebration. I couldn't ask for more.
I love you all.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 12:38 AM
