Saturday, November 24, 2007
The Star Ocean limited edition PSP is sweet.
Gorgeous design.
You have to pay almost double.
Kids these days are so spoilt.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 6:47 PM
Mainly because I've run out of emo titles.
I'm watching a chinese cooking show where they're attempting to cook some bizarre fish. Grandma cooked steamed fish and battered fish in tomato sauce the past two days. It seems that in chinese culture we tend to stick our chopsticks into shared dishes, but westerners abhor that. How weird.
Grandma said 'you better study hard or your dad won't love you anymore'.
I realise everything said about my dad comes from mom and grandma and not daddy.
Last night I cried for the first time since sometime. All I was thinking of was 'I trusted you'.
My cat ate a spider.
I'm yearning for century egg porridge with mushroom and abalone.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 5:51 PM
Friday, November 23, 2007
Grandma said, on the second day I'm home, 'no wonder your dad likes your friend more than you'.
I hate being here. I'm miserable here.
And I don't respond well to emotional blackmail.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 2:28 PM
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Saturday started off slow, with toast for breakfast, packing, hugging Sammy, and setting off on the road.
Beautiful bright skies, streaming sunlight, it was a perfect day to set off on the Great Ocean Road.
We passed through Geelong, to Lorne and Apollo Bay where we had genuine hot off the pan Fish and Chips. On the road there was a little trek to a refreshing waterfall and we stopped by several lookouts to see the ocean and cliffs. It was a winding journey through the mountains and 6 hours before we reached the twelve Apostles.
The view was so stunning. Waves crashing against the rocks, the formations tall and twisted against the backdrop of a setting sun. The trip was absolutely worth it just to see that. We even got mistaken for a newly wed couple and you can picture our look of horror, pause and spluttering of 'wait 30 years!'
Retiring to a hotel that is an old fashioned country style converted farmhouse. Service was superb with a home cook meal and pie for dessert. Lovely chat with the owner before going off and exploring the heated pool. It's even in a barn! A lovely end.
Morning went looking at the silky chickens, a massive pig, a goat who didn't like us very much and an adorable horse who was so friendly. We look an alternative route home, first visiting Loch Ard Gorge where we could see bays and go down to a beach. The water was so cold and I nearly lost my shoe! Nath went diving after it but it washed back up with the waves, lucky.
Had lunch at Port Campbell, then went up and along the highway surrounded by rolling hills and farmhouses and plenty of sheep.
Came back to Sammy, went to dinner and had sashimi.
Loving roadtrips!
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 3:11 PM
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
8 hours flight home.
1 hour saying goodbye.
40mins drive to the airport.
3 months apart.
I'm finally home.
It's surreal thinking that I've completed year 2 of my university life. No more a newb, yet still unsure. This year has been hard, new experiences, old memories, new life lessons, new faith.
I feel a tad lost, like this isn't really my home anymore, it needs some time to adjust to.
The flight home was good. No midway panic attacks, just felt sick before. Slept through the whole way and missed several movies I wanted to see.
Nath has been gorgeous, spending the day with me and patiently waiting through lines, holding me while I hyperventilate. Thankyou sweetie.
Missing Sammy so much, rubbing his head while he walk past.
Tomorrow I shall write about the Great Ocean Roadtrip.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 4:15 PM
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Fail =.=
Went in.
Mind went blank.
Worse than my legal theory paper.
/drown
Hopefully it's good enough....
Which reminds me, need to make appointment with course advisor.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 4:52 PM
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Finished contracts exam. Mildly interesting. Panicked before, panicked after, sick in the middle.
Nevertheless it seems good, I worked better on question one more than question two.
Here's towards politics exam tmr.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 5:06 PM
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Animals don't feel regret. Embarrassment or guilt. Even after a less than delicate leap onto the table resulted into a spillage of chocolate milk and coco pops over table, chair, floor, and me.
I swear, he knows what he is doing.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 2:26 PM
Saturday, November 03, 2007
He hit a nerve. He hit a very RAW nerve.
In the middle of nowhere, paused and said, do you feel like you've been abandoned?
Doesn't the 'look away' 'uhm' 'hide behind flimsy piece of paper' indicate anything in the realm of I don't want to talk about it.
It takes ages to figure out that I dismissed things easily because it hurts too much to confront it? How would YOU deal with the fact that you were a big fat mistake?
SHE made the mistake, not ME. She decided she was so in love, married a guy, and guess what happened?
He kicked us out.
It wasn't the 'oh it wasn't working out' 'oh we decided we weren't meant for each other' 'oh it's just the way things became', it was he bloody well told her to pack up, get out and no he doesn't want anything to do with us. Instead he married the damn woman he was cheating with and got another set of kids.
Classic. The story of my life. My daddy didn't want me. My mommy didn't want me. My other daddy is in Paris =.='
No freaking way I feel abandoned? Rejected? Useless?
You can always do something about it. However, of course not. I don't have any free will or ability to crawl my way out. Instead I went into a spiral of self degradation which ultimately caused years of depressive mood swings which ended up in an explosive nonsensical can't even say a word suicidal run.
No, apparently the fact I was trying to cope in the short term did absolutely nothing but worsened the situation.
It's my fault.
It's not the first time I've been told to die. In both english and chinese no less.
I don't know why I want to....somewhere in the subconscious perhaps, but everytime I say something is wrong, the response is 'You want to die? Then go die you selfish rude bitch'.
Yeah she's said it many times. You like being called a bitch by your mother?
A mistake is it?
Big mistake.
This is the case where people will say, you think you didn't make mistakes too? You're perfect?
Uh right.
Yeah I'm a total bitch. Stemming from the fact that my mother had a tumour and went for chemotherapy and you know what, I can sincerely say I didn't care.
Bloody depressing. Go away. I hate therapy.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:48 AM
Friday, November 02, 2007
Yesterday I heard news from college which brought a little perspective into life.
As it's not my story to tell, not going to delve into details.
Not even that sure about how to react really, it is the sort of situation where you feel sad, distressed, confused and empty.
And then you're kindda helpless.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 5:58 PM
