Saturday, November 03, 2007
He hit a nerve. He hit a very RAW nerve.
In the middle of nowhere, paused and said, do you feel like you've been abandoned?
Doesn't the 'look away' 'uhm' 'hide behind flimsy piece of paper' indicate anything in the realm of I don't want to talk about it.
It takes ages to figure out that I dismissed things easily because it hurts too much to confront it? How would YOU deal with the fact that you were a big fat mistake?
SHE made the mistake, not ME. She decided she was so in love, married a guy, and guess what happened?
He kicked us out.
It wasn't the 'oh it wasn't working out' 'oh we decided we weren't meant for each other' 'oh it's just the way things became', it was he bloody well told her to pack up, get out and no he doesn't want anything to do with us. Instead he married the damn woman he was cheating with and got another set of kids.
Classic. The story of my life. My daddy didn't want me. My mommy didn't want me. My other daddy is in Paris =.='
No freaking way I feel abandoned? Rejected? Useless?
You can always do something about it. However, of course not. I don't have any free will or ability to crawl my way out. Instead I went into a spiral of self degradation which ultimately caused years of depressive mood swings which ended up in an explosive nonsensical can't even say a word suicidal run.
No, apparently the fact I was trying to cope in the short term did absolutely nothing but worsened the situation.
It's my fault.
It's not the first time I've been told to die. In both english and chinese no less.
I don't know why I want to....somewhere in the subconscious perhaps, but everytime I say something is wrong, the response is 'You want to die? Then go die you selfish rude bitch'.
Yeah she's said it many times. You like being called a bitch by your mother?
A mistake is it?
Big mistake.
This is the case where people will say, you think you didn't make mistakes too? You're perfect?
Uh right.
Yeah I'm a total bitch. Stemming from the fact that my mother had a tumour and went for chemotherapy and you know what, I can sincerely say I didn't care.
Bloody depressing. Go away. I hate therapy.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:48 AM
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