Thursday, March 31, 2005
Ouch...yesterday was bad bad bad......*ouch*
Yesterday evening, fell down, banged my head real bad......received more than 15 stitches *miao*
So.....anyway.......funny thing tho.......it was about 3pm, going to take a shower, my knee hurt tho (had been since the morning) so I couldn't walk, so I sat down at the edge of the couch, and my heart starts hammering like crazy, and my head felt fuzzy like before I start to cry and then I thought I was sleeping which was the funniest thing. I was feeling so nice and comfortable, and didn't even thought I had fallen, and then I felt someone shaking me (grandma who was freaking out) and I thought 'Oh, must wake up) and I opened my eyes, and remembered screaming with my hands around my head, but according the grandma, I opened my eyes and began to shake violently.....anyways, I saw alot of blood.....dripping big droplets over my shirt, over the floor, over my body.......*cringes*
So at the time I couldn't see, I couldn't walk, and thus I hopped blinded out of the house and to the car...yes I was fully concious by now and hurting like heck....arrived in the hospital...
Hospital chapter~
Arrived and hopped onto a wheelchair, and taken to A&E.......*heh* They thought I was in a car accident.....then I was referred to as the trauma case...so cool....then we waited for half an hour before the general physician arrived...sheesh......paid private hospital and E&E case and I waited for half an hour in shock and definitely retaliating against anyone who touched me.....I have a thing about blindness- I was terrified.......thinking 'I need stitches, damn....I may be blind, damn...I need stitches, damn.......owwww'
It was another two hours before the specialist surgeon arrived and chatted to me *nice guy* and then bout half an hour later I was taken for surgery......*scary*
and he was telling me about a 16yr old girl rape case and how her rapist was aquited cos of a mistrial and he can't be trialed again for the same crime....wahhh....and at the same time the doc was injecting local anesthetic into my head (he did it three times with several very hurtful pokes with each) to numb the area.....damn, that thing stung............and then he started stitching......
hmm..........it wasn't so bad actually.....you can't feel much except for pressure and tugs...and occasional stinging pains when the thread snaps and stuff...........and the whole time the doc kept saying 'its quite a big wound huh, very interesting...'
He was rather happy about stitching my head..................the whole time I was quivering and trying to stay still, and my knee hurt and I am holding onto my grandmother.....*I'm scared of surgery, scary you know!!*
And then parents arrive and I can hear them prodding each other to get into the room, and I'm trying to get someone to keep them out, then Dad came in and did the silent stroking thing of reasurrance.....not working.....and then mother who kep laughing and making fun of me and then asking doc for botox........*sigh*........and then it was done.................bandage covered over the wound, and I was sent hobbling out.........................then back in for another X ray...oh yeah, first time I was sent to the radiologist (wheeled in a bed actually) and they got my knee and my head, and the second time they took a closer X ray of the knee caps.......wahhh....so cool.......
Now I'm feeling alot better, the head doesn't hurt, only when I make facial expressions, then it twinges..........and my knee is fine in its brace, today went to the orthopeadic, and he recommended physiotheraphy......and an icebag........so much much better, have to take meds and stuff.....and tomorrow to see surgeon again..........*cringes*
And today went shopping with dad, man the brace works like wonder, but so embarassing cos everyone kept staring, I looked a right mess, with the bandage, and the blood clot on the edge of one eye, and scratch near the nose and the bandage around the knee, and the glasses all crooked (banged it when I fell so it was lopsided)...................dad said he feels as if other people are thinking that he hit me or something........*lol*
Ah so good.............fixed the glasses........and went book shopping, so many new books, yay yay......................got the next two books of George Martin, the Da vinci code, the new book of Donaldson of the Covenant series altho can't find the last book of the second series, and also the anime illustration book Salty dog 3 and one of a anime called Monochrome..........looks nice.........*happy*
But then ah.....I'm not allowed to eat so many things!!! I'm barred from egg, seafood, chicken and any thing that gives out toxins....wail..................I'm hungry...........................*sniffles*
But that's it lah...............hehehe.......new adventure...........
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:05 PM
Monday, March 28, 2005
Today had a good day, managed to get my new identification card process early and done with, pick it up in a month's time, and then went out with moomoochan, home from Leeds UNI.........
Oooo, we had the best vietnamese beef noodle soup, yum yum, then the best icecream from that Italian Gellato icecream place- strawberry and chocolate....yum yum.....then we went to watch Robots...............not bad, it's pretty cool with the whole country robot make it big in city type of thing, they even made fun of Britney Spear's during a fight sequence.....*lol*..............
Then I got a cool name bracelet....been waiting such a long time since I got Kei one, haha, my turn.........it looks great....and we were walking around looking at stuff like stuffed pigs..............kawaiie sou......and sports shoes (Sketchers).......
Then I came home..........and discovered a lump under my skin..........closer exploration revealed a big lump which is hard............
I'm hoping its not a tumour.......maybe its just a underskin pimple.......but it's in a weird place.................and it hurts and it is definitely big........maybe it'll be gone in a few days...............*sweats*
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:35 PM
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Hmm....interesting article the other day. It seems that a person's character, personality and self esteem is somwhat connected to their name. They look at all the bizarre names that hollywood stars are giving their children and attributed that to the need for attention, altho it would be way hard on the kids, don't you think, with names such as Pinneaus................
It did kind of explain my deficient childhood tho........with a name that starkly contrasted and stood as the pinacle of my conflict as a child born between two races and one which is unwanted by biological father, and one which stands as sole blame by mother, yeah, it would warp me......................that would explain the childhood bullying, my ever present reticience, withdrawn, always dreaming self.......hmmm.......................would also explains the self hate since I hated my name...................chalk it up to mother who was having a religious moment at time of birth.................sure is a good way to ruin a person's life- right before they are born.....................woohoo
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 9:11 PM
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Dad came back (back??) from Paris today and set to go to Hongkong tomorrow.....hmm...not a bad day today with the waking up early and the huge amount of silences since I don't talk much, but great fun in getting his Mp3 player and conversion programme to work.....I finally had to use Musicmatch for it........ *grin* then showing him all the Thimun photos and stuff....and breaking out the chocolates, easter egg!!!
So...........that's it I guess............
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:52 PM
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Ok it's official.....I've really lost my ability to write. Today I finally settle down to finish a saiyuki fic, titled.........I'm thinking of titling it 'Sun' but that just seem cliched.............hmm......but anyways, settle down to write and bam, can't think of anything. I was sitting there and going, 'ok, I've stopped here, so what comes after this....'
Nothing....that's what.............I stop at Goku calling Konzen, and then nothing!!
I've lost it...............
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:27 PM
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Listen to this, something nice I picked up and technically something nice for you before I go back to my dramatic woe and rages.......
When someone breaks your heart, it teaches you that loving someone does not always mean that the person will love you back. But don't turn your back on love because when you find the right person, the joy that one person brings will make up for all the past hurts put together...........
Nice eh?
Okie............
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 12:13 AM
Saturday, March 12, 2005
I'm crushing..............
Right.................I like someone....................*poof*....
But I still love my Jas!!!...............demo ne demo ne............*quivers*........................nichan kawaiie ne............and sweet.................and quiet........................
*jumps jumps jumps*................what am I to do..............
*sniffles*
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:15 PM
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Today met a human rights tutor from UCL...........it seems they actually have international moot debates......................and international 'international law' debates........................
I WANNA GO UCL!!!!!!
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:51 PM
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Aiya.....I'm lazy na, got no energy to go do revision.......want to play go, want to play dotA, want to read Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever book four, want to do anything else besides school related stuff...............So bored......
Not my fault if i fail!!!! Blame society for making me work so hard until now got no more motivation........though onichan Derek keep saying 'work hard and go to uni, play some more'.....still, no motivation..................I have reached the ultimate pitfall......................in studies at least lah.......
Revision so not going well............this can be diserned by the fact that I'm online blogging and checking stuff out instead of revising.................too much info to cram into head plus I'M BORED..............
And found out the other nichan Rayner kun aka snow leopard.......got a pic of some girl on his friendster............girl!!! Ok Ok......he likes girls..............*mutters about all my nichans who have girlsfriends* but still......................what happen to being single?? So many girls not good...........*waves hand* they should go poof...............especially that girl with the white skin, and the light brown blond hair in the blue top, very anime ish but still....................especially her!!!! *mutters about nichans who are all baka*...............................I'm wondering why her pic is there..................nande.............she put or he put.........*grumble*...................
I'm going back to revision! Bah....humbug..............
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:42 PM
Monday, March 07, 2005
I HATE THE BLOODY PEOPLE................
*breathes*
Ok................*leans back*
You know what. I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm through with this crap.
I refuse to hate anymore, I refuse to be taken like a dumb doll and treated like crap. It's finished........... it's over. I'm THROUGH.
My entire life, I've been treated like I have no mind, I've been walked all over so bad, there's a tatoo of 'DOORMAT' written across my chest........people take me for granted. They take me as the ever dependable nerd who is willing to always be there and let them copy work, to help them, to sit there and smile, to listen, to sit there and smile and laugh at their jokes, and make them feel pleasant, to sit there and smile and take in every abuse, every ill will, every bloody freaking untruth, every hatred they contain in their corrupted soul, every possible degrading garbage they can throw at me.................and I sit there and smile..............and then I cry........................
They don't feel any pain. They don't feel any remorse. They speak, they crap, they are accepted..............bloody schools doesn't seem to realise that they are raising generations of abusers right within their white walls.......generations of sarcastic, bullies who know nothing but their own bloody corrupted perverse joy at someone else's expense.........
I'M THROUGH.
No more......................I refuse to take their bloody crap anymore. NO MORE..................No more tears, no more anger, no more me suffering for them..................
I am myself. I do things for me.
I don't bloody well give a heck if they are jealous or they are just perversed in their minds, because you know what?? I WILL ALWAYS SUCCEED! I will win no matter what because I will always get to the top. I will always do well, no matter where I go, I will still achieve...........................
No more taking their crap. No more of their negativity, no more of their abuse, they can't hurt me because I refuse to be hurt..................no more......
I am myself...............
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:59 PM
Sunday, March 06, 2005
I've lost it.............I've lost everything...............my life has reached a crux, and all meaning clears from it................
I've lost my ability to write.............
My life, my will, my mind...................it can no longer be given life through my writing, so long as my mind remains gray, my will in a rut, my imagination stilled..................
How have I betrayed you.............what have I done to deserve your loss...........
I am gone........................this is my shame, my bane................I have wronged you so dearly so have lost my writing............
I can no longer write.................
No more words.......to bring to life my characters, my emotions, my dreams, my prophecy.....................................they will be still.....will be dead...................
This is my bane..................
I am in despair
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 1:11 AM
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
I seem to sigh alot..................
Right........the big 1 8..........not so big actually, I don't feel so different.....................
Besides waking up groaning from lack of sleep this morning, everything else was the same .................and got presents.............books...........money.........an egg for luck...........
Went to school, met nechan..............studied, blah blah............want to sleep, more work, more essays, more oh god please not more work..............
MUN meeting thingy where I spent the whole time typing out Chairing procedures for those little people who are going to take over....*sigh*
I worry, I worry.......
Came home............blew out candles on a pandan cake..........pandan..........other people gets chocolate or something nice..............pandan.............ate birthday KFC food...................
Chatting with nichan who is thinking of getting a gym membership and we will go play go later............
Wow...........
Birthday was not as bad as I thought...................given 99% of the people I knew didn't know it was my birthday so.................................
What the heck.............its those who do who are the real friends right? and Family I suppose......................ya ya................
Hmmm..........now back to university problems...................
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 12:27 AM
