Monday, October 31, 2005
I start the day with lots of things to write about, then I get on blogger and forgets everything.........
Soooo getting old...........
Finally completed the comic of Mr Dan Tom Server Player Man.....for a new 1-2 dan player on kgs who I'm trying to get into SGC the clan..........hmmmmm.....
It's kindda nice style, I like it..........the end effect of the last box didn't come out as I like, but I like the shading of the face.........and the crying stones ^^
And here's the basket I won from Soquili's giveaway for loyal lurkers ^^.....I decided to share with Rapidash cos I didn't think it was fair that it was decided by a dice roll.............the soquili is going to be names Sora if male, and Bri if female....
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 12:13 AM
Saturday, October 29, 2005
I want to be perfect,
But I'm me,
I want to be flawless,
But you see,
Every little crack,
Every little line,
That is just me.
Song from a disney movie called Pixel Perfect.
o.0....
Pretending to put on a concert for the song Rise to my Heart by Aaya and Chika from D & D and dancing around moronically with the sound blasting top volume from Ipod = not good idea.
Such a heart attack. Going through the chorus, I'm bouncing around checking out moves and then I hear and interruption through the music and I'm thinking wth, why is there a speaking voice, and I turn around and there was my grandmother! o.0.....total heart attack........I thought there was a ghost or something.....*shudders*
Next time, be sure to lock door before listening to Ipod and pretending to put on a concert.... ^^
Here is the Angel and Demon sketch....wasn't as extreme as I would like and the original vision had flared out wings from the dark angel, but couldn't pen it through...........this is quite pretty on its own. I like it....
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:00 PM
Friday, October 28, 2005
Woohoo....holiday next week altho boss is making me come in on monday cause there's supposed to be two working days among the peppering of holidays and I only got one day off so he says he can give me work =(.....everyone else is off.....miao
But pay day today, and full month! so $750 is mine......*drools*
So broke since needed major payment for the internet bill. Broadband would cost cheaper and yield more usage but nooo......they refuse to get broadband but want dial up...
Clan is receiving more members, most around the 13 kyu level. Tried recruiting sdks and this dan player but they all aren't interested .....*sniffles*... a few more also agreed but haven't signed up. Our gracious leader atleast is doing his part allowing new members into the clan room.......................sigh.....
he says there is a revival plan for the Sabaki club.....hmmm..........besides the clan stuff he don't even talk to me anymore, and I have nothing else to say.....makes it abit hard hmm...........don't think I'll be included then, whatever he says about recruiting.......
Oof........man, getting way excitable on kgs, and running everywhere and promoting the clan. Mainly because.....well..................used to be spent talking to him, and now the time has been freed like butterflies from the cacoon only to die when the sun passes into night. .........
Going to focus on new drawing stuff for a few days.
Here is a cat with a funky hat...
Going to do more next time ^^.
Also I won against Slade with 6 handi........whoo......few more wins and losses for the clan meanwhile, also I won a Soquili on Gaia..............and got Mahadeva to join SGC and found out Espy is actually kindda nice =)
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:34 PM
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
*yawns*...........very tired..................
Hmmm, how's this........
Finalement
by Sukunami Taka
Repetition on your lips,
It is the rain outside, but its forceful cold here...
Sometimes the smiles were always there,
Life, and living, gentleness souls,
Image of truth..
But it is just that.
A picture
Hiding your disgrace,
So finally.....you can take that smile away.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:21 PM
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Busy busy.
They cut my connection! MEAN PEOPLE. Ok, so I ran out of money for the account, but to cut my connection????? -.-...
I so want broadband.......I love broadband. In Melbourne, it was like heaven.......
blah.
Finished the first lesson from the Sensei Badger ^^. I'm proud to present to you, Lessons in Go by Sensei Badger.
Ta......
Also...............the clan is so dying.
Also.......................I've discovered I'm so bored on the weekends ........usually it is spent talking to .....*waves hand so name appears magically in the air but cannot be seen*, and now................. =(............sigh, what to do...................resolve resolve, I must be strong....
I sleepy......................
Oh yeah!
American open division go tournament. I got two losses straight off and kicked out in second round.................=(. Against strong single digit kyus, not good..........also did not win any KGS Plus prizes......so................*sigh*
Headache............
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:59 PM
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Entered my first ever go tournament on KGS. It's 7 rounds of 9x9, Japanese count, 5+3x0.10 time. I was so excited I was literally just running everywhere and bouncing....
Got a bye for the first round, cos there were uneven number of people, and then won my first game in the second round !!!!. It felt so nice seeing my name as top three with 2 wins among players of 2 and 3k calibre. Alas it did not last, and I lost to Bluee88, and then to the runner up Vuadocap. The last game which was in the fourth round, I got kicked out of KGS and couldn't log back in!! So a loss by time =(.
Thus eliminated in the fourth round ...sigh............
Went out and got new books today. Hurray. ^^.........was running out but concentrated on go anyways. I mean there are still the go books and games waiting in my comp. Not to mention the books I can get from Mother's friend once I finalise the book list.
*drools*
Anyway I've signed up for the American division ^^. Stay posted!
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:48 PM
Friday, October 21, 2005
On the basis that during A levels business class, Mr Ellis always starts talking about the fantastic advertisement and marketing some businesses had done in order to get us interested and up to speed with the latest news.
Anyway, I've seen this great Visa Card ad. Brilliant in concept, and very moving especially now it's the festival month.
So Richard Gere is seen walking on the streets of India, in a marketplace where a guide was telling him that freeing birds brings good luck. Alongside this young girl is running through the market, bumping into people. She finally runs into Gere who then watches her tell a shopkeeper that her brother was going on a trip and she wants to bring him good fortune but ths only had enough for one bird, so she goes away slightly sad. Gere flashed out a Visa card, and the men were smiling, and we follow the scene after the girl who arrives to the brother, and as he turns to look, a thousand dove like birds flew to the sky from behind the girl, and she is shocked. She whirls around and Gere looks away whistling and the vendors were there shrugging their shoulders.
It's just a beautiful story, and the scene where the birds were released was masterfully done.............
Other note.......tired, old, weak...blaaah. Boss had me putting together his metal tray thing........and letters and filing, and other weird stuff.
I'm also playing alot more go, mostly 9x9 in preparation for the tourney. But been involved in clan games for SGC (seems I'm the only one playing in the clan). Now we have reached 25 games in total ^^. Yay...
Roleplay on gaia is also cool. Been in this Soquili thread rp for halloween to win a Soquili breedable.
So very tired right now.......^^
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:28 PM
Thursday, October 20, 2005
*Miaos*
Tired of being pushed around...............so.......
Guess it's over.
Just took a really good look at everything....slept it off, woke up and started drawing..........my whole life have been myself being alone, so it's nothing new. Still hurting, but it'll get better.
Did two drawings today..
This is for Badger =).
And one for a roleplayer on Gaiaonline.
I've been searching around for custom blog layout artists. Found a few, so hopefully I'll get a new layout soon.
Rest of the stuff will be written later. For now I just need to gather my thoughts...
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:03 PM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I wanted to tell you, it was a month of festivals, and they are hanging decorations on the street, little ribbon made piramids of green and gold that are sometimes used to wrap sticky sweet rice.
I wanted to tell you, I stubbed my toe on the bed and fell over.
I wanted to tell you, there are so many movies coming out, funny, romantic, kooky, magical, and how I wanted to go with you.
I wanted to tell you, it is so cold, I'm shivering by myself.
I wanted to tell you, the games are becoming better, and yet weaker, still every stone and every move is another step towards the future.
I wanted to tell you, they were smiling in the office today, and we were making jokes, albeit at the expense of the boss, but that's what staff does, right?
I wanted to tell you, about the dreams and the fears, they are becoming more frequent.
I wanted to tell you, how I still see your beautiful smile, everyday, and everynight......and how I fell in love again.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:48 PM
Monday, October 17, 2005
This week , Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi made another controversial visit to the Yazukuni War Shrine, albeit it was a private visit and he did not enter the Shrine's inner sanctum, it still sparked massive condemnations from Japan's neighbours namely China and South Korea. They state it was disrespect towards their losses, and an intentional move on Koizumi's part to disrupt bilateral relations, seeing the visits, and every other visit to the Shrine as indication that the Prime Minister is honouring Japan's war generals who had held dominion over the suffering of the Asian people during World War Two.
Koizumi maintains that it was a visit to pray for protection and peace from their Japanese ancestors. Hmmmm....
I don't see why they are complaining so much....after all, this is in the past, those generals are dead.
Although. I'm thinking they should be happy about Koizumi's war shrine visits. It is a testament that as Prime Minister, he represents the people memories of the past and of the wrong they had done during the world war. It reminds him everytime to not repeat that mistake, to know of Japan's own losses in the war and by the atomic bombs, and that until today, his people are still suffering because of toxic contamination. The fact that Japan still adhere to the 1950 treaty of San Francisco to have non military and only defensive army and limited cache of weapons is proof to Japan's willingness to follow the path of peace rather than the warpath set of the generals of Japan's past.
It is China's and South Korea's inability to let go of the past that is causing breakdowns in bilateral relations. Rather than seeing ways of how they can cooperate, they hang onto the events that occurred near 40 years past.
Sigh......
In unrelated news.......umm....I've forgotten what I was going to say.......uh....
well, boss had me drafting a sale and purchase of shares agreement. Besides that....I basically spent the whole day on kgs, trying to recruit members to SGC. They from the Ship of Fools are fun =p, and I won against their clan leader in a 9x9, but lost to one of their members by the name of Impulse.
Met Zombie......he's nice. On Sunday, just stayed up and talked once we found out one of our favourite books were Philip Pullman's Dark Materials trilogy. He does this great go posters for his club, and they are really funny..... visit them here http://www.putfile.com/zombielincoln
Just lost a rengo game. Me paired with Springto. Goninja with Aitkensam...................................bad move after bad move.....sigh........
Just getting crankier. Bad dreams, bad headache........chest hurts too......off to bed I suppose.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:25 PM
Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learn to stay safe so I dont get hurt
Because of you, I try my hardest to forget everything
Because of you, I never learn to love any one else
Because of you, I am afraid............because of you
I stay by your side, when you were crying in your bed
I was there as you were hurting deep inside
I held your hand, and held you close
But all you saw was your pain
And not mine.....
I am........very very depressed..........
..........................................................
And alone.....................
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 1:54 AM
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Had alot to say to night..............umm.....
First there was the case about the Chinese boy who was found dead in the pool, and the men trialed for murder were freed as the material witness for defense didn't show up. The boy's father has come, trying to find justice........the lunch a few weeks ago with the criminal lawyer had a discussion about the same case, about how the people would have killed off the witnesses already, so that the prosecutors were left high and dry.....
Well.....
New game on the market called Fables: The Lost Chapters by the programmers of Black & White. So sort of similar concept where you roleplay characters and your abilities are determined on whether you choose to be good or evil.
If you're good, you have a halo humming above your head, if not, you get horns. Anyway, the reviewer state the graphics were fantastic, and easy game controls, and you get to decide how to play, so it's pretty flexible RPG. Looks good.
Currently losing every go game.....such a bad start before the tourney isn't it.
Today.....hmm, just won against a 9k.....fluke.....but there's a nice guest who's showing different moves...a little pointer and I saw how I could have killed the 9k's big group.....nice...........
Alot calmer than yesterday. After all that with Ka kun.............*shakes head*................I'm such a doormat. Idiotic really. Perhaps somehow subconciously I just take every possibly bad stuff done to me because I think I'm not worth it. Sigh...........that's it, isn't it.......................
Crying in front of the computer.......
Just too tired, too.....................................can't handle this anymore....
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 9:42 PM
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Tarot Reading for Taka (me ^^)
Needed some guidance, so I did a reading for myself. Overall I guess....I'm pretty ok......this was done using the celtic cross.
1. The Inquirer- Two of swords
2. Helpful Forces- Five of Swords
3. Opposing Forces- Five of Wands
4. Present happenings or frame of mind- Two of Wands
5. Subconcious feelings- Ace of Cups
6. Past influences on the question- Three of Wands
7. Possible immediate forces- King of Cups
8. Fears and attitudes of the inquirer- The Hanged Man
9. Influence and opinion of friends and family- Knight of Cups
10. Results of actions and thoughts of the inquirer- Ace of Wands
11. Final Outcome- Queen of Cups
Intepretation- The inquirer have tension and indecision in relationships, having difficulty in gaining a sense of balance because of having no definite plans.
Facing a period of malice and arguments but these will strengthen the inquirer.
The inquirer is facing opposition from others, which will complicate the inquirer's life. Have to stuggle to overcome this.
Currently the inquirer is focusing will and energy to accomplish their desires.
Subconciously the inquirer is in a period of ideas. There is also possibility of a new love.
What has led to this is the need for ideas to succeed. The inquirer also wished to establish communications with distant places.
In the immediate future, there is a possibility for presence of a loving and caring masculine influence. The inquirer may experience times of up and down emotions.
The inquirer fears periods of inaction. Everything is in suspension and not moving.
The inquirer may have a pleasant time with someone they care for deeply.
This is a good time for new beginnings. Fresh ideas come to the inquirer.
The inquirer would arrive in a state of protection. the Queen of cups indicate feminine influence for quiet contentment with life, and making the inquirer more aware of spiritual goals.
the Three of cups show a time for happiness, celebration and creativity.
Strength encourages the inquirer to let intuition be their guide and overcome difficulties.
Extra Cards- Three of Cups
Strength
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:29 PM
Friday, October 14, 2005
Some new drawings in. Including pencil sketchings for Gaia. Am wild on the whole breedables pets thing, and there is the Soquili one which features horses, and wind soquilis. Very nice....
First up is a drawing titled Twin Swords.
Sabaki files. Kind of the image of swords across the go board. And two equal players. Muahaha..........*winks*
Next up are the pencil sketches. This one is of Sabin, a roleplayer in the Soquili thread.
And something else I did just to showcase for the art shop.
Enjoy =)
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:52 PM
The thing about soulmates.
You can't live without them, and you can't live without them. No two ways about it. Even at the pinnacle of when you hate them for doing something to you, or something that hurts you, makes you sad, or when you are angry....sooner or later, this twinging starts and you lapse into a kind of mood where all you want to is to talk to them.......................even if it means all the negativity starts all over again.
I'm not really sure I believe in the Twin Flame Theory. It's an idea that there is another half of you out there. Every soul was born a flame, which was then split and sent to the world. Thus your twin flame is basically your other half.
Soulmates. Alot of people thinks this is the twinflame theory......hmm.....I rather think soulmates is a little different. It's not just one person, one other half but rather many.........rare precious few people who is linked to you...sort of like how lovers, or siblings, or friends are linked by their aiuas in Ender's Children of the Mind By Orson Scott Card. There is an invisible link binding the souls of these people, and when you find one of them, or create one of them, the link gets stronger. New links can be form all the time, it's like a living entity. But it's much harder to cut them off. I'm not sure if that's possible. It would be like cutting your mind off from your body, rendering you useless, lost...............
The thing is.......when you find your soulmate, it's like riding through heaven and hell. If you believe in heaven and hell =).
Hmm.........thing is................being apart from them is tearing away your ability to breathe, to think, to function. It's not distance or time, but rather connection. It hurts massively...........you're thrown out of everything you know, like Jane from Ender. But when you are together, close, it's as if you have found a place to stay, safe, warm......................you're home.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 6:57 PM
I'm in a state of non angerness. I thought I would be...well, the other way. Not exactly empty, but just anti anger.......calm......sort of. I'm slightly sad to be lied to, devastated to be played like a smiling doll on a string, and certainly for the first day or so, I thought I was angry........
Guess it proves I trust too easily. Not really sure if I have a friend now, and not really sure what to do. I don't feel like yelling, and asking why did he do this.....it's a waste of time and frankly will just cause way too many problems that I won't be in the mood to be handling. Neither do I feel like bursting into tears. No......have moved past that.
Rather I'm feeling.......I miss him. Just that........a friend, someone to talk to, someone I could trust. Of course the thing that he kind of betrayed that trust..............ok, problem right there. I need to be able to trust him again, but I don't, not right now. And that hurts....................
The one person who I want to talk to about the stuff happening and everything collapsing, and I can't....not really. Not without me feeling that what he says right back is a script or is not real. Rather he is doing something else and just says pre written lines back......................
Hmmm........so....it's anti climatic. Not really me at all is it. Usually I would feel something...............well....right now I just miss him.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 5:18 PM
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
It's just............
Something is wrong....isn't it.............
Some stuff here and there..............but..........
Today was in the office, and eating lunch alone. Found out the rest of the staff were in one of the rooms eating MacDonalds. Could hear them giggling and talking. Umm....not even that no one asked....or................just................left out.......I guess....................
Kindda hurts.....
Can't help feeling....but.................................ummmmm........all the stuff happening...
Maybe the problem.....
Is....
Me........
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 1:31 AM
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
I whine too much....
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:45 PM
Monday, October 10, 2005
Well...umm.........took a walk out today just to get out of the house, it's empty at the mall, relatively ok. Didn't find any new illustration books.........
Umm....so went to the award thing. Saw Mr. Ellis and a few other heads of school. Don't know any of the other students from the school. They did great.....yeah......way better than me anyway.........uh........so.....speeches, and took the certificate and then went home.
Sorry............just tired today and feeling........ummm.......*sigh*.....anyway...................yeah, got work tomorrow............................and umm..........I guess.........
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 11:07 PM
Saturday, October 08, 2005
I've invented a new word.......mrrrrrrr, the r is rolled so the effect is like a sadder version of a purrrrrr...............used for when I'm sad and is not quite crying yet but definitely near to.....
Anyway, man, what a week...................I think boss enjoys showing off that he can order me around. Involved going to the store to fix his handphone, at a place he was going to pass anyway on his way to lunch, but noooo, I must go first and then deliver his phone to the restaurant and when I got back, the door to the office was locked cos everyone else went out. So trooped back to ask for keys....
Also he delights in not having work for me to do for like three hours and then piling a bunch of stuff simultaneously on me half an hour before going home time ><. And I think the secretary there hates me.....she looks at me like I'm a bug in her vegetable casserole.........like when I don't know protocol for something like having to fill out the book to get stamps, she snaps at me, and then she couldn't find a folder, and I showed her it was right in the file, but she said it wasn't that one and the junior partner said it had its own file, so it had nothing to do with the folder I worked on, and I tried giving her back the letter and folder but she completely ignored me, and snatched the file away when I tried to walk around her to put it on her desk and she slammed it on her desk with a loud clack. Her disgruntleness seems to only focus on me and no one else in the office.
The only upside is having internet access now......mweee.........
I know I know....totally complaining, total complain mode for three weeks.......and it's going to continue ><. Eeven finished the bill of costs, finished typing every item, including every letter from who to who dated when, and every item in the file matched to book item description. *breathes*
Been feeling some inspiration lately. Always happens when I'm stressed out, the more urge I get to draw. This time completed some chibi and plushie drawings, in Sabaki Files. Cute? ^^.....I love them. Very much inspired by Tactics and the kawaiie Ichinomiya Kantarou. Also opened an avi art shop in Gaiaonline with the Gerbil, so completed a few sample works of Chromefoxpuppy, another online player. When the Gerbil has finished coloring them in, I'll upload the images here, a set of Head shot, Chibi, and Full Body sketches.
Chuu
Meepsie
Kuudee kun also gave a link to a private server for ragnarok online. But the download application file is mega huge. ^^ Sweet, he sent a bunch of commented SGF games *happy mweeee*. Aussiemate has also been distributing files of Sakata Tesuji, a set of various tesujis of different concepts, like kosumi, sagari and tsuke. Can't wait to start teaching games with Ka kun....^^. It feels good to be able to play and not feel negative anymore. There is still a long way to go, but I feel better. Focused more on just enjoying the game. Now I'm able to watch some of the pro games and read correct moves, just some, but it's a start. Found out Happyguy (6d kgs ama) offers free lectures in his room every sunday. Would be abit of a stretch to actually see the lessons cos it's held late in my time, but I'm beginning to get some ideas of having paid lessons, or suscribing to kgs plus. I'll think about it more in earnest when I move to Melbourne. Aussiemate said there is an annual Go Congress in Melbourne and Sydney, with an Australian Go Congress which changes locations. Totally cool.
Ka kun finally changing his blog layout. He has chosen a rurouni kenshin themed layout *giggle* but his edits completely fell apart. It was so adorable. I did some changes to it, hope it works, though the layout by Kayosei is alot more complicated than the one I have now. Hmm.....I've gotto change layout too, mine feels abit cluttered right now. Found a few new websites which does custom designs. Will check those out.
Monday is award ceremony day. Took a day off, even had to fill out a proper form to take leave ><........it seems I have three available paid leave days, and now I've used one up.....hontorni, hidoi kute...........
Oh well..........*yawns*
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 9:31 PM
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
New York, Hollywood of mine,
London, Paris, Tokyo,
There is something going on,
Something going on anywhere I go tonight,
NOT.........................
Officially my life consists of work. Dredgery................*crying miaos*
Going slightly insane. Getting orders left and right and stomping away at the keyboard and trying to finish everything and wondering 'huh'?
All alone for lunch...cos....of that.........thing.........anyway, grandma delivered cheeseburgers and I just wolfed it down at my desk. AND was interrupted twice by this annoying extremely cheerful client who wants the letters done, to want to hear the draft copy, to change this, to do this, etc etc etc........and I was still in the middle of answering another call when the rest of the staff walks back in.
Wheee....issued many cheques today, even signed an invoice myself ^^, cos boss wasn't in....when he came back though, he sent me on multiple despatch stuff. Including buying white gloss paper at the store but they only had the type that costs 17 dollars, while boss only gave 10 dollars so back to the office to get the rest of the cash........
Also I don't like waking up in the mornings.................
Just to add that in case I didn't before.....
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:44 PM
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Derek onichan hidoi! Keeping that from me!!!
EEEEEEEEEEE...
The manifest plushie and sai pic and badge thingy is for me!!!!! YAY..........
*huggles steph nechan* STEPHIE THE BEST.......
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:47 PM
*Dreams of being in an onsen, with hot steamy water, the scent of sakura in the air, all the tension and aches releasing from the body, wrapped in warm silky water*
*Drools*
Oww...aching aching.....everywhere.....stooped over the whole day looking at documents and a 1970 book to do a bill of costs, which means I have to account for every item and action in the case, and attach a fee to it.........does anyone know how many different kind of summonses there are, and each has its own amount of payment. And each letter from the firm is 6 dollars, and perusal of documents is 1 dollar per page. Highest amount on the list seems to be drawing up an affidavit which accounts for 125 dollars. I feel extremely poor at this stage.....and found out that the bulk of finances funding the firm comes from certain items that are listed for 'Discretionary' which means you can give your own sum as long as it is reasonable. Basically we use items like this to hike up the fees to 50,000 dollars in total. I feel very....much of a cheat at this time...rich, but a cheat....nonetheless.....when I'm facing no food in the fridge and overdue payments for the apartment, I'm sure I'll be thankful for my fees, but right now.........sigh.............
Hmmm....what was yesterday again....oh yeah, someone new in the office, assistant to boss' partner. She's 19, already has a kid....and adapting nicely in the office, since the three women in that room all speaks mandarin.
And the junior partner got his own office yesterday, they moved the stuff from the meeting room out and manouevered the table into the small door..hehehe........so I get his old desk, but no comp ><.
Kinda segregated in the office I find. Especially today, we went out to eat, and I was in Ms. Tee's car and her two assistants, and they chatted about in mandarin, while for lunch I was seated with the staff who all spoke malay.......either way, I understood what was going on but had no way or even the urge to participate in conversation. Oh man, fasting month begins tomorrow.............and ugh, one entire month again, they are going to ruin my digestion of good. Accordingly I'm informed I can no longer be seen outside eating. So I'll have to hide in the office for lunch, or eat in the car. It's a freaking one month! I have to work, what do they expect me to do? Either gulp down my food in my boss' office or in the car, or don't eat at all? It's stuff like this that makes it so infuriorating, because this should be a choice! A religion has no place to tell you that a whole race of people has to 'fast' for some god, or insane reason, especially when someone like me has gastritis! Already been experiencing alot of pain because of stress, and nice, they start fasting month right now.
Back to bill of costs tomorrow........................................................
Sleepy.............
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 10:37 PM
Monday, October 03, 2005
I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
Not able to handle defects,
They glare at me, and taunt and taunt,
Visible, holes
The gaping maws of insecurities that fill with anger and fear
There is nothing here,
In a bundle of waste, discarded and left over
There are pieces here, but more
Emptiness.
They are all missing.
Tearing, scratching, drawing streaks of blood,
Claws across this tender throat,
Your voice is soft, barely here
Hearing the imagination as tears soak through
This little child just needs someone
She looks into your eyes,
Dear beautiful beautiful hazel eyes
Stares blankly as they turn away, tears in red and raw
Perhaps for you perfection, a dream, a light, dancing above
I just wanted you here...
To say I'm sorry I'm not perfect
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 9:30 PM
