Watching the Chronicles of Hanada is enough to bring tears. Such as the story of the father who died on Christmas eve bringing a gift home to surprise his son. You're left wondering.....it's hard to say I love you in this time and age. When was the last time I've said thankyou for raising me, thankyou for taking care of me, I love you because you're my family?
When I was young I used to say it. But as a child you don't understand the meaning behind the words. I grew older, the words become hollow, it became harder, and then I just didn't want to say it because I have no idea how, it was strange and embarrassing, it was weird. In many ways I was angry, and in many ways I am still bitter. I didn't ask to be born, didn't ask to be always put under pressure, to be criticized, to be made to feel like I was the mistake dragging you down. I wasn't happy I was here, can not realise that there was anything good. If I wasn't angry at having to suffer, I was in tears because I felt this way all the time, and I am so afraid you would leave without knowing I did care for you.
I cannot reconcile those three little words with the relationships and the happiness felt by those characters in the books I read about. I cannot understand how people can say I love you without meaning them. I've been brought up to think that the world was a harsh place, that people schemed and lied and there wasn't anyone who would be honest and decent. You told me the world was like this. I can't trust anyone, don't believe anyone, and it doesn't make sense for people to care if I don't. I don't know what it is like to love someone. Do you? To care for someone? I'm afraid I'd grow up and still not know. I'm still that child who is afraid, who is still ignorant, and the world is still a scary harsh place. And I want to say I love you, but I don't know what it is.
+The Writer+
Taka is a young law/arts student, often bumbling through life and trying to be a person rather than being defined by social conventions.
Shy, geeky, emotional, proud, and quite bisexual, doesn't smoke, drink sometimes, passionate about most things, Taka spends time dreaming, dancing, drawing and watching movies, often anime.
Is in love with the idea of love, gives hugs at the most random times, and is constantly worrying about people eventhough it does not look like it.
Aspires to either become a beautiful hermit by the river or a world dictator.
+The Blog+
Niflheim represents both light and darkness, of the celebration and distaste of life, of musings and incoherent thought. It is an outlet for personified angst and pessimism with chuckfuls of laughter and smiles.
It is Taka's way of drawing out all the little disturbing thoughts giving rise to nightmares, a way to self reflect, a way to seek solace.
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