Monday, July 25, 2005
Silence can often speak louder than words. Cliche, but truth.
I'm not a particularly talkative person. In fact the one thing most people get the impression of is that I'm quiet. If they want to be mean, they say I'm withdrawn. If they couldn't understand, they say I'm arrogant for not talking to them. Fact is, I have nothing to say to you. If I'm feeling nice, the silence is because I have nothing to say, so I don't waste time talking about junk. If I'm feeling miserable, the silence is because I don't know why I should be talking to you when essentially all I feel is alone and you are care nothing more than yourself.
Fact is, selfishness is the core of my soul. And I would keep all my thoughts to myself. It's hard to find out if I like you or I don't. If I was in a good mood or not. If I'm thinking you are the most clueless person behind this look, or that I'm simply bypassing whatever you are doing and seeing the person within you. If I'm finding this conversation the most fascinating, or the most boring. I think I've given up trying to tell you.
So used to listening. People rarely want to hear me. At first it was because I was shy, and kept to myself. It soon became that they simply don't or can't hear me. So I sit back. And listen. Stopping myself before saying something, thinking and rethinking an answer to the point that the moment passes, and still I am silent. Listening because this is the way I connect to people.
The internet is great. I don't have to be infront of someone and seek words to say when everything I'm thinking passes quickly. Instead here, my words flow, I can overcome my shyness. But still..................
Still...............what good are my words when no one cares. More often, silence works better. Letting others speak, and thus I listen. And my silence speaks for me, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm frustrated...................it passes in silence, and I apologise that for a moment I have voiced any discomfort.
Nothing.................it's always nothing............because you matter more.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 2:15 AM
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