Thursday, November 18, 2004
*groan*……………..
my body feels like aching water……….woke up with a fever………..after wishing for so many days for me to be dead, here I am on my way……….it’s a very slow process……..and it aches……………I can’t move………my vision is blurry, although that could be due to the crying…….my head is near explosion……..and I can’t breathe…………..for some reason my asthma has been acting up again since last week…………..that could be due to something else too……….*sigh*……..*stare forlornly at little handphone size photo of ex boyfriend*…….
I don’t even have a proper picture of us together…….it’s like we never existed together…………..
Atleast the state of denial has given way to………to………..acceptance?........ I don’t know……………. I know he won’t come back anymore……….can’t exactly accept it……………….just angry now…………at the situation…………and the pain isn’t going away………….someone can tell Sasa that………..it’s not disappearing after two weeks……………..
And I can’t move…………everything feels like liquid……..hot liquid………..with twinges of ache everywhere……………….
And this morning grandma comes bursting into the room wearing a very pink Chinese style shirt, asking ‘is it nice, is it nice?’………..two minutes later, she comes in wearing an orange same style shirt…….with the same question………….and two minutes after that, she came in with a pink clingy top with sequins……………..after a few indescribable nods, I went back to sleep…………. I think she has met somebody………….
Atleast someone would be happy…………I’m just going to keep moaning and continue in my misery…………
Yes I’m miserable………….could someone please inform my uncaring insensitive ex………………fine, he’s my ex………*sniffle*………my happily ever after is happily destroyed by him…………..that I’m miserable…………..his ‘I’m hurting you by being with you’ is total crap…………..I’m more miserable now……total and utter misery……………….
*want him back*………..*sniffle*…………………..atleast I stopped crying……..now I just feel empty……..and alone……………..and hurt……….and sad………..and miserable………….
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 8:37 PM
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