Thursday, October 05, 2006
I am not good enough.
I'm weak, and I cry and I can't stop crying....I try to be strong and it's not good enough, not as much as other people can be. Because I am not them, because I'm not as clever or smart or beautiful, I can't be as strong and think.....maybe perhaps.
And it's selfish.
It is always I, never thinking of you,
How much you hate my weakness, my lack of strength, my lack of understanding,
How I make you jitter and how I make you sad, my inability to be good enough,
Makes you turn red and shuffle and go away,
And because of the way I look sad, because I cry and can not cope,
You suffer more because then you know somehow somewhen, my tears are because of you,
But it isn't.
My tears are because I cannot cope.
It's selfish, I am weak and I cry.
I am emotional and I show everything,
Whether I love and adore or hate or dislike,
I envy....the people you love.
Even here it's selfish.
The song, ever cliche is always the same,
I lie in bed, lying to myself, saying it's alright, it's paranoia,
I distrust the ill feelings within myself,
Because I am weak and I cry and I find things to blame on other people,
But it's never the other people, it's because I'm not good enough and I cry and I blame on other people.
And even here I make you feel worse for having the duty to comfort me.
You'll see this, and think
That's right...
You're weak and not good enough and you cry about every little thing,
Always wanting this and that and I'm sick of it.
It's a burden...
The song is always the same.
I am not strong enough. I try and it isn't my fault, it's others,
Not them, it's me, I keep trying...
I am not strong enough.
I see the way I cannot talk to you so easily, trying to find words,
Bridge the gap, find the comfort. I try and fill in every detail in an effort to find words. But you cannot.
We stand side by side, and not speak, it worries me because then I know..
Something's wrong.
And I refuse to speak.....because it's wrong.
Because I'm afraid.
Because I'm weak.
<--------------------------------------------------------------->
Goodnight ol' bean. Cheer up. It's not so bad, you'll get up and move on.
Goodnight ol' bean.
<--------------------------------------------------------------->
Something's always missing...isn't there.
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 2:19 AM
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