Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I withdraw what I said in last blog rant....or...actually...maybe I'll just add to it.
Sometimes my head is divided into two...there's the one which takes a reaper stance and goes 'can't take this anymore, just do it', and the other which is pumping me full of harsh drugs going 'noooo....it hurts more to cut....nooooo, you can't die yet'.
The result is I'm passed out on the floor sobbing because
1. I can't cut.
2. I want to cut.
3. I don't really want to cut, I'm just lucid and disillusional.
4. Whyever would I want to cut for a guy.....even my emotional vampire mother makes a better excuse to be the reason to elicit mortifying attention.
That pair of scissors doesn't do the job well...or maybe I don't press hard enough =.=. All I ended up with was a very sore and evidently dry arm. And lots of tissues.
That pair of scissors has somehow disappeared from my room =.=.
Not really sure why you'll end up with sore eyes, sore head, and sore neck from crying. Perhaps it is to override that gaping hole in your heart. Certainly......banging hand against head with a headache helps lessens the headache....while you're concentrating on the hand banging on the head.
Props goes to my friends who took the time out of their busy and much needed study schedules to pat me as I lay a mess on the floor with snot flowing out of nose and onto sweater. And to also drag my entire bed onto the floor so I can sleep....on the floor. Um....wasn't sure of the intention of the last one. I'm also not sure if my floor needs cleaning. And for making me hot chocolate which tastes alot better than how I make it. And for bringing sushi, salmon no less, and strawberry mogu mogu drink at 1 in the morning. For telling I'm stupid for liking a guy who is screwing me over and don't deserve all the emotion I have put into the relationship. For holding me for several hours as I laid a sobbing mess on the floor. It avalanched through two days so yeah it deserves two mentions. For bringing chocolate cake, chocolate croissant, chocolate and roses picked from west garden. For remaining rational while all I could say was I want him back. For making me bread with nutella, and for sitting with me watching anime and eating wicked wings when you have exam practices to finish. For listening to me screaming incoherent things on the floor and through the phone and for understanding to come really quickly.
All I feel like doing is sitting here and cuddling his sweater...the red and grey one which I pinched from his room. It feels warm...and it feels like I'm hugging him....
I'm one miserable excuse of a girl. What happened to I'm strong, I can do without a guy. =.=.
What happened to if I'm not happy with him, I'm leaving.
Right? RIGHT?
What happened to I'm trying this out as well...if it's not working, then fine...
What happened to that!
It was before I love him?
When did I fall in love....
How could I love a guy who finds it difficult to even like spending time with me.
What on earth was I thinking.
When did I find it difficult to say I love you to him when that was what I felt...
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 6:58 PM
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