Thursday, December 23, 2004
No.....did not commit an affair......
I hate Oxford........the heck.........they have driven what was left of my self esteem which was one centimetre high and snuffed it to non existence...........................
What am I suppose to do now?? My whole future had depended on that lousy (even though they have great rooms, great reputation, catered food, and adjoining bathrooms) institution for me to live for the next three years and to get a decent job when I graduate.......but noooo........I don't even get the chance to get the headache of a lifetime with no spare time, no life, and constantly burying myself in their massive textbooks, through studying in Oxford because I don't even get to be IN the horrible, without a heart and without a brain Oxford.........
What were they thinking????
*feels desolated*
I did everything............my whole damn life was dedicated to this one moment......this one time when I can apply and get into one of the most coveted universities.......my whole life..........preparing, learning, studying, taking exams, doing lousy extra co-curicular activities to be all rounded just as they like, never getting into trouble, getting migraines every day just trying to cope with being a bloody great student.........
My whole insignificant speck of a life is totally and utterly WASTED.......
For this one moment of rejection.........
This was what I had dedicated my life to...............
REJECTION AND UTTER INSIGNIFICANCE AND NO FUTURE
I spent my whole life trying to be good for the world to screw me over............
Oxford isn't the best.......in fact I think the person who interviewed me to be a little crack in the head with her head tilting every five minutes and saying 'that's right' in this slow drawl...........and the stupid test which made no sense and which cannot even gauge how much dedication and hard work you have put through, or the amount of effort spent cultivating a life that would ensure the best grades and total and absolute all rounders status...............wasted...........
Were they just looking at grades...............
What the heck was wrong with me? The best top grades from exams........sound thinking and reasoning, participation in activities, self motivated work, independence in study, great multi racial background, ambition to succeed and a moral conscience..........leadership roles..............
Every decision I've ever made was done with the thought of Oxford in mind..........................
Screw them................ten years from now, I would be a successful and the most highly paid criminal lawyer in the country..........in twenty years it would be in the world...................
No worries...............
Mused by Sukunami Taka around 1:02 AM
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