Panic attacks are not fun. The most physical distaste you could possibly imagine of switching the 'I want to die' to a 'I NEED to die, NOW, just make it STOP'.
I am attempting to locate the trigger. Don't know what is it exactly. Stressful situations certainly, but that is always going to exist. I can't avoid every relationship, exam, university, people, work. Perhaps it's in the mind. Certainly I'm more susceptible to it when I could physically feel my brain weakening, the body feels tired and aching and the brain is saying oh no not again.
This is a mini post just to get stuff out of my head before the next big big post. At the moment I am completing legal theory readings and although not understanding it very well, seems my exam study plan is well on track. I think I might fail. Need to ask case manager about recommendation for alternative exam arrangements. For some bizarre reason I am anticipating panic attacks in a room full of 2000 over students, which ain't great. Perhaps we can formulate some coping skills........... I suppose he was nice. Seemed a tad nervous, but nice. At the moment cranky and relishing painkillers. I wonder if the Lovan meds are doing funny things to my body. My eyes are now perpetually red, my hair is falling out.........or is that stress.......hmmmmmm........ Can't sleep very well. Wish the thinking would stop. It's highly irritating. And the realisation that all I feel is being miserable. It's rather empty, I think.
+The Writer+
Taka is a young law/arts student, often bumbling through life and trying to be a person rather than being defined by social conventions.
Shy, geeky, emotional, proud, and quite bisexual, doesn't smoke, drink sometimes, passionate about most things, Taka spends time dreaming, dancing, drawing and watching movies, often anime.
Is in love with the idea of love, gives hugs at the most random times, and is constantly worrying about people eventhough it does not look like it.
Aspires to either become a beautiful hermit by the river or a world dictator.
+The Blog+
Niflheim represents both light and darkness, of the celebration and distaste of life, of musings and incoherent thought. It is an outlet for personified angst and pessimism with chuckfuls of laughter and smiles.
It is Taka's way of drawing out all the little disturbing thoughts giving rise to nightmares, a way to self reflect, a way to seek solace.
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