I feel like I’m living a lie……so stupid and useless….and only I know it….
I wish I was dead, so I don’t have to feel this pain again…..
No dread, no guilt……..always guilt and regrets paralysing me like this…….this is what my life is made of, everyday, every moment………….. I can’t live…………..
I feel no matter what I do, I can never be happy because I would never let myself be……………………
Sometimes I lie awake, most of the time I wake up to….worries that everything is going so well, to the point that something should be happening to make it all bad again…….. I should be worrying about my results coming out on the 19th……. I should be finishing my school work……. I should be paying attention and doing revisions…………………. But all I can think of is other insignificant things like HTML codes, and blogs, and my writing, and anime……….things that are insignificant…
I swear to be a better person, to do my best………to do all those little things for others because I want to show them that I appreciate them…..but everyday I live my life doing the things I like to do…..the things I feel I have to do…….
I hate myself.
Ten years from now, I would be jobless…….my grandmother would be gone……. I would have nothing…….and all because I prefer to do the things I like…………and then I would regret them………
I hate myself.
God, I will believe in you if you make this pain stop………
+The Writer+
Taka is a young law/arts student, often bumbling through life and trying to be a person rather than being defined by social conventions.
Shy, geeky, emotional, proud, and quite bisexual, doesn't smoke, drink sometimes, passionate about most things, Taka spends time dreaming, dancing, drawing and watching movies, often anime.
Is in love with the idea of love, gives hugs at the most random times, and is constantly worrying about people eventhough it does not look like it.
Aspires to either become a beautiful hermit by the river or a world dictator.
+The Blog+
Niflheim represents both light and darkness, of the celebration and distaste of life, of musings and incoherent thought. It is an outlet for personified angst and pessimism with chuckfuls of laughter and smiles.
It is Taka's way of drawing out all the little disturbing thoughts giving rise to nightmares, a way to self reflect, a way to seek solace.
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